PANG

There is pang at the bottom of all these dreams, all these affections people shower on …. And on …. This is death in disguise of life …. Once hurt …. There is yet another blow coming your way. So if anyone says that he/she is happy, then the person actually doesn’t know where he is heading to… In the next fraction of a second thee person can lose his parents, his beloved or even himself ….

When one can’t find reasons much of a reason to push one further … he denies living further and with a trickle of tear down his cheek and a gun at his temple he completes his life …. And heads back for the heavenly home from where he had descended to his mother’s laps …. The sensation of pang is the most strongly remembered. But then there’s music …

No Kenny Chesney or Lonestar can deduce the meaning of certain pangs in life … whenever I try remembering the very song from this Bollywood flick called Taare Zameen Par called Ma, I can’t but cry for the loss I’ve undergone … I had an option not to go to Delhi for some stupid graduation degree and could have stayed at home with my mother …. And that ways, I could have had my mother for another 3 years before she vanished under the burning pyre forever. Her roasted, white bones that day are the only vision I carry of my mother nowadays, that’s pang. She could have survived that day, only if people in my household read that she was hiding some strange pain within, like I read and never falter.

When I hear this song called Stupid Boy by Keith Urban, I remember the golden days I had with my girl of my life back school. My decision to come to Delhi for graduation destroyed her trust in me and she became cold to me. Rest is history. Even now, I want to see her face and say thank you for all she did to me and that I miss her badly.

There is this song called 20 Good Reasons by a less popular band called Thirsty Merc, which hit me hard on the first day and the first time I heard the song. The song speaks about me, in some regard. If I had the courage, I would have gone and asked my best friend where my fault was …. She had no right to set her sail away from me, when she brought me from ashes previously. We were both at fault …. And none of us would admit it face to face.

Iris is such a song which deserves a special place in my life forever, because I lost someone here too. A school friend whose life was destroyed partly due to me. We were young and therefore we perhaps underestimated our causes for each other and her blue eyes set before mine forever. That’s pang when one comes to know suddenly that all these years he was in love with her. I hated myself more after that. And when I finally found her reincarnation after 3 long years, I was again happy. Not knowing, what awaited me again?

Pang is so sudden and is always accompanied by music in the lives of people like us. Who are incapable of winning anything or can’t keep the cup high even if he has won ….

Pang is irreversible …. Pang is unbanishable … Pang is sarcastic and Pang becomes stronger and stronger day after day ….

It is not just a sensation …. It’s a lifetime ….