The city lights petrified my eyes on that evening and I was awake finally, walking my way down roads from my university to meet my special human being. I was partly lost and partly confused. I took the longer roads at every turn. She had come to meet me from my hometown 1500 kms away for the festivals. Her parents always thought it was a better idea to spend the vacations at Mumbai. But her persuasions finally convinced them to come to Delhi.

I waited all day long to get a glimpse of her radiance and couldn’t concentrate on the daily happenings of my class. Left the class with a big smile on my face and with a heavy inclination in my heart. “This is it”, I kept on telling myself as I increased my pace on the road. Hurried off to my room to let go of my casual clothes and put on something really befitting the meeting. The ipod kept on repeating the same song called Wherever you will go. I got ready finally and left for university main gate to receive her with the chords of my heart.

Then something happened, would never know why it happened or whether it would fare me good someday or not.

As I was scrolling through the loads of smses in my cell phone that spoke of good luck and best wishes, a certain message struck me a heavy blow. My only friend on this planet ran away from my vicinity some days back when she realized that I’m massively evil and didn’t have the slightest respect for her. It was a mere misunderstanding, but we are so stubborn at times. The same message struck me before when it beeped all of a sudden minutes before I was supposed to perform a love track on the stage. The pang it sent down my bones that evening spoke that she would never see my face again in our lifetime. I knew instantly while walking down the road what I lost and can never win back and I was filled with this pain across my inner self. I came to the conclusion that my greatest loss after losing ma abruptly was she. I realized that love is just not one person at one place. It takes shapes in different relationships. And sometimes it exceeds what it requires to be. And the payback is so immense.

So people would conclude that I fell in love with her? Actually I fall in love with every person who completes me. I never see love as that between only two people. And to all the people who hate me for the reason, a big yes to the fact that I loved her the best amongst all now. And maybe this was the reason of my falling apart now. I realized that it was impossible to live without her, even if she makes no effort on her side to amend the situation.

As I reached the main gate I was flooded with a lot of doubts … Saw my girl’s face as she laughed back at me and reached her arms out when I came near. She explained to me that her parents have left her to stay with me for some 2-3 hours while they buy things for the family back home. I should have been at the top of the world, but I was trying to come out of the abyss I was being sucked into. We went straight inside the university and sipped away some cold coffee while expressing how badly we missed each other all these 2 years. But it was mere pretension on my part. Because I’m already suffering something more grave than that …. The loss of a very important human being forever from myself. Everything was mere dramatics that evening – right from the dialogues to the expression in my eyes. At first I was super exited but now it was mere go away please. I tried all these days to be happy just for this meeting, and that sms ruined it all again.

I thought more and more about my friend while she was trying to convince me to come home for the break. I became numb to her statements in a while and wanted to be left alone. She perhaps read the trouble. And she asked me what bothered me – a certain question whose answer none of us had. She enquired about my friend next, and I stared at her eyes as if she was speaking in a foreign language. I had no answer, had to say no clue. She said, that’s what is disturbing you, isn’t it? I was taken back more. I never expected her to read my eyes, because I was pretending at my best level. “Give me her number, I’ll tell her not to screw up your life like she did to hers…” was her next sentence. It was more of hatred and pain than ignorance that engulfed me now. And I wanted to burn down everyone who saw my friend as my destroyer. It’s not a matter of choice to f*ck up one’s life. None want to live in hell. And being disturbed in love doesn’t make one infidel. She just had some bad series of events. And she believes I gave her pain continuously, while her holy spirits were the guardians of hell.

I had to evade the enquiry made by my girl. “Chuck it” was my only answer. “What chuck it? She thinks she knows you already? What right in this world has she to come between us? I’m telling you she may be educated but she’s a b*tch”, she said. I couldn’t take any more, “So you think you are the only being who knows me? Where were you when I lost my mother last May? What were you when you left me alone for almost a year? And you think you know me? You don’t even remember my birthday! Should I trust you? Alone? Do you realize what pain are you capable of causing in me? And she is lot more to me right now than you.” I saw tears forming in her eyes but I didn’t stop cursing her. “And if you go by the normal worldly conclusion that I’ve fallen in love with her, then yes I have … because I have realized what she means to me. Have you ever felt the absence of me in your life before? I have … for you previously and for her now … You shall see it as love I know … and therefore I’m so happy that I’m in love, yes I am. For you, for her people and for the world who hate friendship – I am in f*cking love.

I didn’t wait to listen to what she had to say. I think she said go to hell before she boarded the auto and left for her stay place. I stood midway between the road and the marketplace, expecting my golden days to come back. With my ma and my friend. But they are history now. So will be the tears that are flowing down my cheeks today. Tomorrow I’ll be happy again, or else I’ll try again….

Am I the fool in the end? I let go of two human beings just like that? Have I no courage to stop them from going? But as Shakespeare once wrote, “All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances”. This is a fool’s life we usually lead, the consequences are almost the same….